I didn't start running because it was an extension of who I already was. Yep, I used to be better at running at school, because I have an ingrained fear of balls being thrown at my head, but I was fat when I started running. I was unmotivated. I was down in the dumps. I had low self-esteem. I was overweight and it was hard. It wasn't the most fun. I 'couldn't run for a bus', as they all say. I couldn't see ahead and picture myself running races, let alone marathons and ultras.
It hurt me when I first started running marathons (emotionally) and for a few years later, when marathon blokes would make comments about my weight. I'd come a long, long way, but I still wasn't what you'd call 'athlete thin'. I didn't necessarily look like a runner. I wasn't skinny, And yet, I was running long distances. It didn't make sense to some. So, I got little comments, mainly from male runners. They didn't mean to hurt or offend. I know that. But it did hurt and offend. I'm not an 'offended person', by the way. But I've come a long way and that's what some people don't see. I lost a lot of weight before I ever started running and before they ever knew me. I will always have a saggy stomach, unless I get surgery. I will always have flappy underarms. I always will have some loose skin. I'll never be one of those super-toned types. You all look amazing though, you super-toned types :)
My record got broken this week, which I'm all good about. Records are made to be broken and I truly believe that. Otherwise, what is the point in them? I was only ever in the right pace at the right time, at the right age. I didn't know all too much about marathon running or the running circuit before I became involved in it. I just saw all those '10 marathons in 10 days' runners and got inspired by some amazing 100 Marathon Club members and vowed to be like them. I did. I just ran a lot of races. But, what will never be broken is the fact that I have run lots of ultras and marathons and challenged myself. That will always exist and I'm really proud of it. I want to challenge myself more. I know so many amazing runners who I aspire to be like. You know who you are. I have met many of you who have done some fantastic things.
I went to an 'interview technique' session the other week and I realised how bad I am at selling myself. I could have been in Runners World etc. haha, but I never have been. I love running for the sake of running, for the way it makes me feel, for the sense of self it gives me. Most of all, I like the feeling you get from knowing you have travelled so far on your own two feet. How awesome is that? You should probably have used a car, but you got there with your own two feet. I also like running at night, in ultras, when the world is asleep and you're still moving forwards.
Just some thoughts I decided to write down on this Good Friday. Have a lovely, long weekend everyone.