Yep. I'm missing that aching, the sort where you have to walk tentatively down the stairs backwards or sideways like a crab. Treasure those aches and pains fellow runners, for they are a sign of great achievement and an adventure well-lived...
So, it’s been a while again, but on here seems to be my only form of company, for what has been a really lonely week of complete and utter boredom. I guess that's just the price you pay when you don’t have any money or a job or seemingly any friends that live within close proximity to you. And my car is off the road. This isn’t a rant as such. I’m just clearing my mind...I think it’d be less constructive to not express any of this. I think I’d just go out of my mind.
I need a sense of achievement, to do something again. I actually miss DOMS. It was Ridgeway 85 this weekend, but I just couldn’t afford to do it. It got me thinking back to 3 years ago when I did Ridgeway85 – I was working in retail at the time (not a profession that I went to uni for, but at least it was a job), which wasn’t amazing, but at least I got to do races, eh... I remember going into work on the bank holiday Monday, the day after Ridgeway, where I had to stand up all day and spray my feet with cold spray to lessen the discomfort...yep I used to be hard-core.
I guess my point is that I no longer feel ‘hard-core’, and I’m missing the thrill of the long distances. Not trying to be overly dramatic, but honest about it, it’s like a drug and I simply cannot afford my next fix. And what the fix entails is an adrenalin buzz, a sense of achievement, an adventure, an experience, a sense of self and social interaction all manifested in that one event. I keep all of my race numbers and it’s sad to look at them all; the crumpled, weathered, mud-splattered, gel drizzled race numbers that all went on that journey with me and are now all holed up in some dingy bedroom. It’s hard to remember that I ran with them. I’m probably a little too sentimental. I just feel out of it and I don’t want to be.
I am applying for jobs and things, so I’m not, not doing anything about this. I’m just missing my running spark and my calendar is looking decidedly empty. I don’t feel like an ultra-runner anymore.