Strong mind, bad at calculations...

(Well, I’m bad at calculations under pressure, as I find it really hard to concentrate on numbers, especially under test conditions).

So, what I was willing not to happen has happened. I have always been well aware that maths is my weakest point. Since I’m aware of this, I have revised and revised and revised for my Numeracy Skills Test. I’ve read up on terminology, learnt fractions and decimals and percentages. I have tested myself and completed numerous practice questions. I do bits every day, around running and around work and I babble on to my boyfriend and to family and to almost anyone (absolutely anyone) who will listen about numbers and multiplications and blah blah blah. But, it wasn’t good enough.

As soon as I got there today, my face felt warm and I felt a little panicked. The woman reviewing my ID was also rather abrupt. I handed over my passport and then she asked for my secondary ID. Trying to make light of my nervousness, I told her that I had brought various forms of ID and letters etc. (I literally brought a file full of letters, qualifications and identification with me). ‘I need one of the ones off the list’, she said sternly and unhelpfully. I handed over my driving license. I then had to squish my bag in a locker. ‘Aren’t you going to take the key?’ she gestured towards, sarcastically. I hadn’t forgotten the key; I was simply hanging up my coat too. Unbeknownst to me, I also had to take my passport into the test room with me, to show another person. I didn’t know this, as I’d never taken a test there before. It wasn’t a big deal, but she was even sarcastic when I asked whether I needed to keep it on me. This doesn't help someone who is very nervous about taking a very important test.

Anyway, the fact is, I panic with numbers. However, I know through revising that I have come a long way. I am not awful at maths. I can work things out just fine. However, it is nerve-wracking when you only have 20 seconds to work something out and when so much depends on passing this test. I know I struggled with the mental arithmetic and the ‘wordier’ questions. I got lost in the context of the question and I started to run out of time. I failed by 3 marks. I will pick myself back up and re-book it. I definitely need to calm my nerves for next time. I only have two more attempts and then it’s time to reassess my career path.

It’s funny because, as a person I know my own mind and I am very strong-minded. It is mind over matter which gets me through all my races. I know I am determined and, in this way, my mind is successful. If I could just apply even half this conviction to a job that I could make a living out of, then I would be content.

To end on a positive note, I was pleased with my marathon time of 3:59:15 at Wrexham Marathon on Sunday. There weren't many ladies in the race, but I did come 10th lady and 3rd in my category, yey :) - getting a bit faster.The weather was pretty bad and the route itself was literally a tour of Wrexham Industrial Estate. Every cloud...

Variety

It has been a little while since I last wrote a blog. I have decided that I am going to endeavour to blog more frequently. Sometimes, I might even just ramble. Sometimes I need to get lots of thoughts out of my head and just ramble. See, I’m rambling already.

Running-wise I have been attempting to up my mileage a lot more. However, I had found myself getting stuck in a bit of a rut with my ‘same old run down the local main road’ and back. With no near (well, not any weekends coming up, but I do have Manchester Marathon in April confirmed) races on the horizon, I haven’t been able to rely on what such races used to provide: variety. So, I’ve been mixing up the time of day that I go running. If I run in the evening one day, I might go for a mega early run the next day. It’s also great training to run on tired legs, for upcoming ultras later in the year.

I’ve also been taking my running kit with me when I travel. When I was down in London a few weeks ago, me and George did a couple of interesting runs along the Thames Path and through Richmond Park (my favourite). It certainly is muddy along the Thames at the moment...and a little flooded! By the end, well, by a few miles in, our bums and legs were caked in mud. It was so much fun. In fact, we were so muddy that once we had reached Putney, we strolled down to the banks of the Thames to wash off some of the mud in the river water...

On the way back towards Clapham Junction (where George lives), we stopped at a nice pub by the Thames for some dinner. We had run just over 17 miles and it would be another 2 miles to home from that point, but for the time being we relaxed and had some lovely food. Then suddenly, there was a freak lightning storm. The sky just went incredibly dark and the wind picked up force. There was no thunder, but then I saw the most amazing lightning bolt in the distance. I love storms. They’re so interesting. However, I was glad we had made it inside before the weather went crazy and that we could be spectators to this storm, and not participants.

So, ultimately, I guess my main thoughts on running and on life at the moment are to ‘mix it up’. I think variety is a great thing and it stops you from getting into a rut. I’d say that things have been particularly trying recently, due to a number of different factors. I’ve been frantically working away at my computer, searching for jobs and applying for jobs. 


You don’t realise what a source of self-esteem having a job is, until you don’t have one. Not only is it somewhere you go to earn vital pennies, but it can provide you with a whole sense of self worth. Another obstacle at the moment is being away from someone I care about, being in a long distance relationship, which I am. All of this can make the days seem so long and it can add a bit of a challenge to each day in itself. Therefore, it’s super important to mix it up. Consequently, I want to make my runs exciting and vary my daily routine as much as possible, so that I stay both sane and training. In this way, I'm facing each day with a positive challenge.

L x